I went out for the day today. No destination. Just enjoying the sun and alone time. I like alone time. Most people don't but I do. I knew I would go to Country Junque but after that, I didn't know. Wherever life took me. First stop, Country Junque in Bayport. It is a sort of antique, second hand store. Some new stuff. I have bought many furnishings and decorations from there. Sissy is the owner. Is is a free standing brick building. She bought the building a few years back. Sissy is one of my favorite shop owners and one of the reasons I shop there. She is like everybody's Mom. She always greets you by name and makes you feel that she is happy to see you. It is very very cluttered in there. Ladies do not bring children with you to shop there. Is is basically3 rooms filled with - what else? country Junk. I have bought lamps, dishes, signs, an old school desk, ornaments and countless other items from there. You can also haggle with her. She is very fair especially if you are a returning customer. Today, I did not buy anything.
After leaving, I went straight down Middle Road and over Bryan's bridge and beautiful old victorian homes of Bayport ( the town I will someday live in) and into Sayville. There are such cute shops in Sayville but I always seem to go to the same ones. I went into The Sayville General Store which is a high end expensive store. It is the opposite end of Country Junque. I do not know the owner as they are not friendly, but it is a lovely store beautifully decorated. It smelled of soap because they carry many many types and shapes and scents and sizes. I browsed around and looked at Easter displays. Bunnies, eggs and your typical Easter wares. I couldn't even find a chocolate cross. Jesus was nowhere in sight. I was looking for something to symbolize the real meaning of Easter. The meaning of the cross. The ressurection. Do you know how special the cross is? Do you realize Christ went to the cross for your sins so that you can have eternal life? All you have to do is believe in Jesus. You do not have to give anything up, your debt is paid for. It's that simple. Many people do not understand the reason Christians do not wear a crucix as opposed to the plain cross. We believe that Christ is no longer on the cross. He died for your sins and rose again. He died so that you may live. He lives again. I think we should along with the Easter baskets and bunnies, teach our children the true meaning of Easter. Take them to Sunday school. Give them a foundation. A house without a foundation will not stand. Next week is Palm Sunday, get out there as a family even if it is mother and children and go to church. Find one you like and want to be a part of. Feel the holy spirit. Take in the magnitude of what he did for you. Let Jesus in. You will never be the same. Did I find what I was looking for? Eventually. But if I tell it will spoil the surprise. Have a blessed holy season.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Renewal
Where are you spring? I am longing for the promise of rebirth and all things new. Spring. I look out my window and I see rain and gray skies and remnants of snow that we will have fresh snow on top of again by tomorrow. I want to see tiny little sprouts coming up from the ground. Those little fragile faithful old friends we see every year peeking out from under the leaves that we didn't quite get during fall cleanup. The little spec of hope that we dare not uncover and expose yet because we know it is too soon and we want to keep them covered with their winter blanket of leaves.
My garden. Now I hate gardening, so I try to keep it simple. I love the perennials that just appear. They are faithful and return every year. I just wish their blooms lasted longer. That is why I have invested in Hydrangea's. They bloom all summer and well into early fall, They are beautiful. They come in different shapes, sizes and colors and only a few cuttings are enough for an impressive bouquet. Yes they cost more than some plants and annuals for sure, but they are worth it.
My garden is filled with wonder and awe at god's knowledge and truth that all things will be renewed. The miracle of a little seed becoming something so beautiful is one of God's gifts. Sometimes at the end of the summer season when they have the perennial sale, you know the ones that look half dead? I grab some. They are much cheaper and pretty hardy. With little care, I put them in the ground before frost and I wait. I don't usually remember what I have planted. Sometimes I never knew to begn with. I saw it for $3.00 and grabbed it saying to myself "we'll see in the spring what it becomes" I love the surprise of a new plant. They always come up. Sometimes way too big for the space I planted it, sometimes too small. It is all trial and error. So I move it. It might look like it will not survive for a while but they always seem to bounce back.
My garden is also filled with memories. Memories of gifts and holidays and people who have come and gone. Celebrations and sadness. My lilac bush that was here when I bought the house. It always reminds me of Mother's Day and the birth of my son. It blooms in early may. The scent of those blooms, no man made product can reproduce. I would bring my mother a bouquet every year. Such a pity they only last about 2-3 weeks.
The huge orange/gold roses that climb up the birdhouse pole. They bloom all summer. It is the perfect spot in the front of my house. I have other roses but none are as breathtaking as these are. The stems are as thick as a drumstick and the thorns can really do damage. It was bought at The Herb Farm in Peconic out at the eastern end of Long Island. One of mine and my friends Kristen's favorite places. It is a beautiful place to have a picnic and relax. Look at the gardens and property that overlooks the Peconic River. Much to my Godaughter Alyssa's delight there is also a pond with giant croaking frogs.
Circling the tree in the front that the front walk encompasses is all the Hostas that Rick's friend "Poppa" gave us quite a few years ago. The thing about hostas is they are pretty much indestructable. They get quite large and you can divide them. Just chop them in half or 3rds and you get more. They are great as dividers and edging. I had them in pots for quite some time until I decided what to do with them and they still would faithfully return right in that pot. Even if you get so lazy and leave them laying on the grass and forget about them, those roots will take hold and come back right in that spot next year.
I have tulips and daffodils and hyacinth (another smell you cannot capture ) along the side of the house. The 1st sign of spring. I do love these but so do the squirrels and I have trouble keeping bulbs. Those pesky rodents are forever digging them up. These flowers are mostly from Easters and Mother's Days gone by. From friends and Godchildren and sister in laws and sons and brothers and husbands and fathers and mothers. All assorted gifts from those special occasions as well as the lillies which I can smell as I walk by.
I am waiting to go out from my living room onto my patio with my cup of coffee and see my prickly pear cactus from Jane with it's vibrant yellow flowers. How can a cactus survive the winter every year? Amongst the rock garden the neighbors that inhabit it are my beautiful purple butterfly bush that I cut down every year and still becomes 6 ft tall with butterflies (as well as bees ) hovering around it every day. My oh so soft and furry silver green lamb's ears that make me wish I could have socks made out of them. They are one of the oldest on the block.
I have Stella Dora and Amazing Grace Day Lillies that I took a gamble on at The Bloomin Haus. I could not see what they looked like, but I liked the name. I am sure glad I took that gamble. They live alongs the white picket dividing fence with the tall grasses. They are so perfect and stiff that they look fake. You must touch them. I am anxious to see if Jackie's perenial Hibiscus returns this year. I trekked it home from Lancaster for her as she asked. I got one for me too but I think it died before I got it in the ground. If Jackie's comes up, I will try it again. I didn't know they were perennial. I am also patiently waiting on the arrival of Judy's Peony to return from last Easter. I hope it has blooms. Peonies have never done well in my garden but Kristens are spectacular and I find myself having peony envy.
Hollyhocks and Flox and Eucanacia among other flowers and plants I have temporarliy forgotten will all return again soon to bring me joy and simple pleasures. Perhaps though this year what will be the most bittersweet return will be the garden I planted for my mother last year knowing it would return this year. I wish you could see those returning hydrangeas and day lillies and other assorted flowers I painstakingly and lovingly planted for you Mom. Along with your light up birds and butterfly affectionately known as Mim, her friend who passed away a few years ago. Mim always said she was coming back as a butterfly. The hardest of all though, will be the bleeding heart my Mother gave me many years ago. It never fails to take my breath away by the wonder of it's heartiness and fragileness of it's petals at the same time. A Bleeding Heart. How fitting. I do not need this plant to remind me of you Mom you are everywhere. It's just that I am living with a Bleeding Heart.
My garden. Now I hate gardening, so I try to keep it simple. I love the perennials that just appear. They are faithful and return every year. I just wish their blooms lasted longer. That is why I have invested in Hydrangea's. They bloom all summer and well into early fall, They are beautiful. They come in different shapes, sizes and colors and only a few cuttings are enough for an impressive bouquet. Yes they cost more than some plants and annuals for sure, but they are worth it.
My garden is filled with wonder and awe at god's knowledge and truth that all things will be renewed. The miracle of a little seed becoming something so beautiful is one of God's gifts. Sometimes at the end of the summer season when they have the perennial sale, you know the ones that look half dead? I grab some. They are much cheaper and pretty hardy. With little care, I put them in the ground before frost and I wait. I don't usually remember what I have planted. Sometimes I never knew to begn with. I saw it for $3.00 and grabbed it saying to myself "we'll see in the spring what it becomes" I love the surprise of a new plant. They always come up. Sometimes way too big for the space I planted it, sometimes too small. It is all trial and error. So I move it. It might look like it will not survive for a while but they always seem to bounce back.
My garden is also filled with memories. Memories of gifts and holidays and people who have come and gone. Celebrations and sadness. My lilac bush that was here when I bought the house. It always reminds me of Mother's Day and the birth of my son. It blooms in early may. The scent of those blooms, no man made product can reproduce. I would bring my mother a bouquet every year. Such a pity they only last about 2-3 weeks.
The huge orange/gold roses that climb up the birdhouse pole. They bloom all summer. It is the perfect spot in the front of my house. I have other roses but none are as breathtaking as these are. The stems are as thick as a drumstick and the thorns can really do damage. It was bought at The Herb Farm in Peconic out at the eastern end of Long Island. One of mine and my friends Kristen's favorite places. It is a beautiful place to have a picnic and relax. Look at the gardens and property that overlooks the Peconic River. Much to my Godaughter Alyssa's delight there is also a pond with giant croaking frogs.
Circling the tree in the front that the front walk encompasses is all the Hostas that Rick's friend "Poppa" gave us quite a few years ago. The thing about hostas is they are pretty much indestructable. They get quite large and you can divide them. Just chop them in half or 3rds and you get more. They are great as dividers and edging. I had them in pots for quite some time until I decided what to do with them and they still would faithfully return right in that pot. Even if you get so lazy and leave them laying on the grass and forget about them, those roots will take hold and come back right in that spot next year.
I have tulips and daffodils and hyacinth (another smell you cannot capture ) along the side of the house. The 1st sign of spring. I do love these but so do the squirrels and I have trouble keeping bulbs. Those pesky rodents are forever digging them up. These flowers are mostly from Easters and Mother's Days gone by. From friends and Godchildren and sister in laws and sons and brothers and husbands and fathers and mothers. All assorted gifts from those special occasions as well as the lillies which I can smell as I walk by.
I am waiting to go out from my living room onto my patio with my cup of coffee and see my prickly pear cactus from Jane with it's vibrant yellow flowers. How can a cactus survive the winter every year? Amongst the rock garden the neighbors that inhabit it are my beautiful purple butterfly bush that I cut down every year and still becomes 6 ft tall with butterflies (as well as bees ) hovering around it every day. My oh so soft and furry silver green lamb's ears that make me wish I could have socks made out of them. They are one of the oldest on the block.
I have Stella Dora and Amazing Grace Day Lillies that I took a gamble on at The Bloomin Haus. I could not see what they looked like, but I liked the name. I am sure glad I took that gamble. They live alongs the white picket dividing fence with the tall grasses. They are so perfect and stiff that they look fake. You must touch them. I am anxious to see if Jackie's perenial Hibiscus returns this year. I trekked it home from Lancaster for her as she asked. I got one for me too but I think it died before I got it in the ground. If Jackie's comes up, I will try it again. I didn't know they were perennial. I am also patiently waiting on the arrival of Judy's Peony to return from last Easter. I hope it has blooms. Peonies have never done well in my garden but Kristens are spectacular and I find myself having peony envy.
Hollyhocks and Flox and Eucanacia among other flowers and plants I have temporarliy forgotten will all return again soon to bring me joy and simple pleasures. Perhaps though this year what will be the most bittersweet return will be the garden I planted for my mother last year knowing it would return this year. I wish you could see those returning hydrangeas and day lillies and other assorted flowers I painstakingly and lovingly planted for you Mom. Along with your light up birds and butterfly affectionately known as Mim, her friend who passed away a few years ago. Mim always said she was coming back as a butterfly. The hardest of all though, will be the bleeding heart my Mother gave me many years ago. It never fails to take my breath away by the wonder of it's heartiness and fragileness of it's petals at the same time. A Bleeding Heart. How fitting. I do not need this plant to remind me of you Mom you are everywhere. It's just that I am living with a Bleeding Heart.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
My Simple Pleasures
I have not written lately. I told my sister in law Patty I have "bloggers block" She made some suggestions. Topics, interests, TV, books, things that have happened through out the day, lists, etc.
I am sluggish. This is the time of year that I really hate. christmas is over. Winter is long. Still dark early. It depresses me. I believe I suffer from seasonal effects disorder. I got to thinking, maybe I should think about things I enjoy. Simple pleasures in every day life. Things we take for granted. Moments. Patty's right. I can certainly make a list. I hope you will all add some of your simple pleasures to the list. There are so many things to be grateful for. These are just a few things that bring joy to me and my life in no particular order.
Sleeping late on days off
snow days
family gatherings
old family photos and reminiscing
fall
burning leaves
apple cider
pumpkins
holly and mistletoe
the smell of celery and onions mixed with sage, cooking in anticipation of meeting the bread for stuffing
christmas tree lights still on late at night
candles burning
A hot bath in my clawfoot tub
a good hair day
an amish quilt
The Shady Maple
Lancaster
a fire in the fireplace
going out to dinner
a text from my 19 year old son saying I love you.
a singing phone message from cousin Gerry
Barry Manilow CD
a good book
my Nook
a new Longaberger basket
a long lost friend on FB
a new pair of slippers or pajamas
the smell of the crock pot cooking
when my husband puts gas in my car
clean sheet night
a good bottle of wine
when people post on my blog
bingo night
the snack shack
cooking with my brother
an unexpected phone call from my brother
having the same friends for more that 20 years
Home Video Memories
friends who are "family"
Homespun friends
perfume
getting a pedicure
getting a backrub
a new haircut
a cup of coffee or tea with my neighbor that I do not get to see too often.
Kevin and Marie teaching me a new way to cook sweet potatoes. DELISH
Seeing my son wear the shoes I bought him.
seeing my son wear the clothes I bought him
Having my dad sleep over after all these years.
carol's laughter.
forgiveness
godchildren
decent relationships with ex's
relationships with family and extended families of ex's
ex sister and brother in laws still calling me their sister in law
heinous husband awards
a friend unexpectedly visiting my job
sharing recipes
Dove chocolate
my electronic starter
realizing I did bring my glasses to the movie theatre.
turning the clocks ahead.
70's music
oldies
McDreamy and McSteamy
Sonny, Jason, Patrick, Jax and Dante
home grown tomatoes
Rocky Mountain High and Country Roads
Sunshine on My Shoulders
Grease
The Electric slide
Broadway
East end
farm stands
herb gardens
Shelter Island Ferry
not having to wait on line at Maureen's Kitchen
old friends from SCS & SGT
Long Island beaches
Bayport
chocolate chip cookies
spritzer cookies from A Rise Above
A New York Wedding (looking forward to one 3/6 )
words of wisdom
Bettyism's
sharing grief with a friend in the same emotional place
puffs tissues
Walmart
my sauce
fresh mozzarella
a cold diet Dr. Pepper in the frig
Ruby in a good mood at work
babies
old love letters
my tart burner
old christmas ornaments
Olde Mill Shoppes
whoopie pies
ticking
horse and buggy
candles in the window
Lenox
Christines jellies and Krumkaka
Starbucks vanilla Latte's
Kitchen Kettle
the smell of fresh pine
warm pumpernickel bagels on Sunday morning
summer picnics
friday flowers
sit down Chinese restaurant
my bed
my electric blanket
heirlooms handed down
Walt Disney Movies
puppies
wildlife
wild flowers
bulbs becoming flowers
bejeweled blitz
summer barbecues
homemade potato salad
Uggs
homemade gifts
handwritten letters
knowing I will see my mother again
food on the table
the comfort of home
a roof over our heads
salvation
freedom
I have many many things that bring me joy and that I am grateful for. I could go on for days. Did you notice that many of my simple pleasures have to do with food? Well noone likes to eat alone. They all are circled around my family and friends whom without I would not find as much pleasure.
It is enough. I am grateful.
I am sluggish. This is the time of year that I really hate. christmas is over. Winter is long. Still dark early. It depresses me. I believe I suffer from seasonal effects disorder. I got to thinking, maybe I should think about things I enjoy. Simple pleasures in every day life. Things we take for granted. Moments. Patty's right. I can certainly make a list. I hope you will all add some of your simple pleasures to the list. There are so many things to be grateful for. These are just a few things that bring joy to me and my life in no particular order.
Sleeping late on days off
snow days
family gatherings
old family photos and reminiscing
fall
burning leaves
apple cider
pumpkins
holly and mistletoe
the smell of celery and onions mixed with sage, cooking in anticipation of meeting the bread for stuffing
christmas tree lights still on late at night
candles burning
A hot bath in my clawfoot tub
a good hair day
an amish quilt
The Shady Maple
Lancaster
a fire in the fireplace
going out to dinner
a text from my 19 year old son saying I love you.
a singing phone message from cousin Gerry
Barry Manilow CD
a good book
my Nook
a new Longaberger basket
a long lost friend on FB
a new pair of slippers or pajamas
the smell of the crock pot cooking
when my husband puts gas in my car
clean sheet night
a good bottle of wine
when people post on my blog
bingo night
the snack shack
cooking with my brother
an unexpected phone call from my brother
having the same friends for more that 20 years
Home Video Memories
friends who are "family"
Homespun friends
perfume
getting a pedicure
getting a backrub
a new haircut
a cup of coffee or tea with my neighbor that I do not get to see too often.
Kevin and Marie teaching me a new way to cook sweet potatoes. DELISH
Seeing my son wear the shoes I bought him.
seeing my son wear the clothes I bought him
Having my dad sleep over after all these years.
carol's laughter.
forgiveness
godchildren
decent relationships with ex's
relationships with family and extended families of ex's
ex sister and brother in laws still calling me their sister in law
heinous husband awards
a friend unexpectedly visiting my job
sharing recipes
a kick in the pants
Dove chocolate
my electronic starter
realizing I did bring my glasses to the movie theatre.
turning the clocks ahead.
70's music
oldies
McDreamy and McSteamy
Sonny, Jason, Patrick, Jax and Dante
home grown tomatoes
Rocky Mountain High and Country Roads
Sunshine on My Shoulders
Grease
The Electric slide
Broadway
East end
farm stands
herb gardens
Shelter Island Ferry
not having to wait on line at Maureen's Kitchen
old friends from SCS & SGT
Long Island beaches
Bayport
chocolate chip cookies
spritzer cookies from A Rise Above
A New York Wedding (looking forward to one 3/6 )
words of wisdom
Bettyism's
sharing grief with a friend in the same emotional place
puffs tissues
Walmart
my sauce
fresh mozzarella
a cold diet Dr. Pepper in the frig
Ruby in a good mood at work
babies
old love letters
my tart burner
old christmas ornaments
Olde Mill Shoppes
whoopie pies
ticking
horse and buggy
candles in the window
Lenox
Christines jellies and Krumkaka
Starbucks vanilla Latte's
Kitchen Kettle
the smell of fresh pine
warm pumpernickel bagels on Sunday morning
summer picnics
friday flowers
sit down Chinese restaurant
my bed
my electric blanket
heirlooms handed down
Walt Disney Movies
puppies
wildlife
wild flowers
bulbs becoming flowers
bejeweled blitz
summer barbecues
homemade potato salad
Uggs
homemade gifts
handwritten letters
knowing I will see my mother again
food on the table
the comfort of home
a roof over our heads
salvation
freedom
I have many many things that bring me joy and that I am grateful for. I could go on for days. Did you notice that many of my simple pleasures have to do with food? Well noone likes to eat alone. They all are circled around my family and friends whom without I would not find as much pleasure.
It is enough. I am grateful.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Grammy Etiquette
I think this year's Grammy awards show was one of the best I have ever seen. Lots of talent. There is one thing that bothers me. I think Katie Perry was right when she said to dress like a lady. I do believe it was a dig. Almost every young woman there is in competition to see who can where the least amount of clothes without being naked. Now don't get me wrong, I am no prude. I just feel there is a time and a place. The Grammy's is something that all of Hollywood gets decked out for in their designer clothes and who's wearing who and $10.000.00 dresses and black tie garb. This years designer seemed to be Johnson and Johnson and Jantzen or Edith Head perhaps. Why perform in bandages stratigically placed to cover the obvious. This is a prime time show. Young girls look up to you. Do you have great bodies? no doubt. Pink looked amazing. What is the message it sends? This is who our youth want to be like. Pink and Gaga and Beyonce all posess enormous talent and yet during the performance you are distracted by camera angles aimed upward at Beyonce's dress. I find myself thinking "does Lady Gaga wax her entire body?" They are hairless wonders. Wow, Pink is in some shape, why does Beyonce keep swinging her hair around? How can Fergie breathe in that corset?
Christina Aguilera was not there but I was never a big fan of Dirty Girl. Madonna was always a pig. Think back to the greats Barbara, Celine, Whitney, Patty Lobelle. Chaka, Susan Boyle lol. Yeah, I'm going back in time, but it was a better time. They all sang with class, except for Whitney's fall from grace and downward spiral into drug abuse. Kelly Clarkson did not have to be naked to get a standing ovation at the Music Awards. I love Pink, Lady Gaga, Beyonce and Fergie. Who doesn't? I just wish they they'd leave something to the imagination. Oh yeah and there is one more thing I did not like about the Grammys. Now before you acuse me of hating rap, I do enjoy occasional rap songs. I would just like to actually hear one from beginning to end without more than half being cut out to to obscenities. Besides, the Gangster look is over Lil wayne - pants on the ground, you looked like a fool with your pants on the ground.
Christina Aguilera was not there but I was never a big fan of Dirty Girl. Madonna was always a pig. Think back to the greats Barbara, Celine, Whitney, Patty Lobelle. Chaka, Susan Boyle lol. Yeah, I'm going back in time, but it was a better time. They all sang with class, except for Whitney's fall from grace and downward spiral into drug abuse. Kelly Clarkson did not have to be naked to get a standing ovation at the Music Awards. I love Pink, Lady Gaga, Beyonce and Fergie. Who doesn't? I just wish they they'd leave something to the imagination. Oh yeah and there is one more thing I did not like about the Grammys. Now before you acuse me of hating rap, I do enjoy occasional rap songs. I would just like to actually hear one from beginning to end without more than half being cut out to to obscenities. Besides, the Gangster look is over Lil wayne - pants on the ground, you looked like a fool with your pants on the ground.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
What a Difference a Year Makes
I got a new touch phone. Not the Iphone since I have Verizon, but a nice touch phone. Normally, I hate a new phone. I hate getting used to a new phone and I usually hate the phone itself. I like this phone. It took some time to get used to it. New technology is not my thing. I now can play Bejeweled on my phone. I started to think how much has changed in 1 year. I was surprised by how much has.
I year ago, I did not know that Christmas would be my mother's last one. I year ago, I did not have a blog. I didn't even know how to start or set one up. 1year ago, 4 of my friends did not have breast cancer. That is a lot of woman in just my circle. 1 year ago, my son did not have a girlfriend, nor was he in college. 1 year ago, I was not on Facebook communicating with so many people. Past and present. I did not play Yoville or Cafe world or Myfarm or my absolute favorite, Bejeweled Blitz. I was not sending angels and hearts or having food flings. What was I doing before Facebook?
I year ago, I did not have a Nook or a Blu Ray. I did not have a Pandora bracelet. Michael Jackson was still with us. Brad Pitt did not have that nasty beard. (what is that about?) Before Christmas 2009, my father never stayed overnight at my house. 1 year ago I did not know about MRSA much less see people with it and then have it myself. 1 year ago, I was still talking to a "friend" of 30 years who got annoyed at my husband so defriended me on FB. 1 year ago, I did not know Carol or Joe. Two people who I look forward to working with and have brightened
my life. 1 year ago Tracey and Rob had not yet adopted Keke. Concetta had just become a Grandma. Mrs. Ida next door was still with us. Beth was still harrassing us on a daily basis. I am Happy to say she is not and is now working. 1 year ago, Emmet, the Roberts' dog was still with us.
1 year ago, myself, my sister in law Marilyn and Kristen thought we were going to see Barry Manilow as a surprise from our husbands, Turns out the surprise was that we were not. We were going out for Valentine's Dinner. They didn't quite get that the surprise is supposed to be better than the lie you make up to cover the surprise.
I year ago Kristen did not have uggs or a warm coat and Alyssa did not have Heely's. Daniel was not away at college and Joanne was not pregnant. Sandi was not going to Happy Hour. Marie's heart wasn't breaking watching her mother struggle. Joe's friend Rick was still with us. Mim was still my Mom's best friend. Now they are together.
1 year ago, I made the worst coffee. I bought a new pot. That's all it was. It is so cute, a 4 cup Mister Coffee. Now I make a couple of cups every morning with Folgers. 1 year ago, I was not contemplating cutting my hair short and letting it go gray. The constant maintenance and cost is out of control. I am considering it. I think it will be liberating. If you see a profile pic of an old gray haired woman, it's still me. What a difference that would make.
I year ago, I did not know that Christmas would be my mother's last one. I year ago, I did not have a blog. I didn't even know how to start or set one up. 1year ago, 4 of my friends did not have breast cancer. That is a lot of woman in just my circle. 1 year ago, my son did not have a girlfriend, nor was he in college. 1 year ago, I was not on Facebook communicating with so many people. Past and present. I did not play Yoville or Cafe world or Myfarm or my absolute favorite, Bejeweled Blitz. I was not sending angels and hearts or having food flings. What was I doing before Facebook?
I year ago, I did not have a Nook or a Blu Ray. I did not have a Pandora bracelet. Michael Jackson was still with us. Brad Pitt did not have that nasty beard. (what is that about?) Before Christmas 2009, my father never stayed overnight at my house. 1 year ago I did not know about MRSA much less see people with it and then have it myself. 1 year ago, I was still talking to a "friend" of 30 years who got annoyed at my husband so defriended me on FB. 1 year ago, I did not know Carol or Joe. Two people who I look forward to working with and have brightened
my life. 1 year ago Tracey and Rob had not yet adopted Keke. Concetta had just become a Grandma. Mrs. Ida next door was still with us. Beth was still harrassing us on a daily basis. I am Happy to say she is not and is now working. 1 year ago, Emmet, the Roberts' dog was still with us.
1 year ago, myself, my sister in law Marilyn and Kristen thought we were going to see Barry Manilow as a surprise from our husbands, Turns out the surprise was that we were not. We were going out for Valentine's Dinner. They didn't quite get that the surprise is supposed to be better than the lie you make up to cover the surprise.
I year ago Kristen did not have uggs or a warm coat and Alyssa did not have Heely's. Daniel was not away at college and Joanne was not pregnant. Sandi was not going to Happy Hour. Marie's heart wasn't breaking watching her mother struggle. Joe's friend Rick was still with us. Mim was still my Mom's best friend. Now they are together.
1 year ago, I made the worst coffee. I bought a new pot. That's all it was. It is so cute, a 4 cup Mister Coffee. Now I make a couple of cups every morning with Folgers. 1 year ago, I was not contemplating cutting my hair short and letting it go gray. The constant maintenance and cost is out of control. I am considering it. I think it will be liberating. If you see a profile pic of an old gray haired woman, it's still me. What a difference that would make.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
empty nest again
Well I can breathe again. Sandi has gone home and life is back to normal. Is normal overated? I think maybe. It is quiet and silence can be deafening. A constant reminder that someone is no longer here. That presence everytime you turn around. That person with her Susan Branch gingerbread pajamas that I had given her who would fall asleep on the couch before midnight every night. Our time went by too fast. There was so much we wanted to do other than look up foreign insults in a book in Barnes and Nobles. We didn't have a pork roast. We did have chinese even if we did call the wrong place. I never took you to work to meet "the gang" I did get to try your Iphone and get a high score on Bejeweled Blitz for you. We did find a new saying "schlamshvantz" We bonded with my mother in law Astrid over The "G" spot in Costco and pet names for private parts. We laughed, we ate, we loved. I cried. I miss you and the joy you brought. I wish you were not so far away. Through the years we have had our ups and downs like all families do, but we are family. I know it was not the vacation of your dreams, but you were home and the door will always be open. No, I did not give birth to you, but you are the daughter of my heart and it is not the same without you.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Artie
I spent the day with my Dad on Thursday. Artie is a creature of habit. He does not like change. In the past few months since my Mom has passed away he has had to experience many changes. For the 1st time in 50 years of marriage, he has had to look at the bills. He is amazed at what is costs for cablevision and what he pays for heating oil. He has not had to carry the stress of making ends meet on a fixed income or paying bills in the winter year after year when he was laid off from the Bricklayers union. At this stage of the game, these are harsh realities.
I am mildly amused as well as saddened by the things he now has to do for himself and the subtle changes that I have seen in him. His Christmas gifts wrapped in cellophane and then gift wrap because unless he got a box at the time of purchase, he will not buy one. He does not see the point in wrapping the colored shirt boxes leftover from last year because they are already printed. My father loves to shop and he is generous. My mother on the other hand hated it. He shopped, she wrapped.
My parents house never had a coffee maker. It was and still is a household of tea drinkers. I have noticed whenever we have gone out for lunch or breakfast, he is now ordering coffee. I bring it to his attention and he tells me it is because he goes out everyday with his friend Connie (a man) for coffee. They go to different diners everyday. The last one taking an hour and 15 minutes to get to when it should have been maybe a 1/2 hour drive. Did I mention Connie is 85 years old? He has been a good friend to my Dad and I know Artie is grateful for his company.
I think the most painful thing he has felt he had to do for himself is to write out Christmas cards. He found a box of cards left over from last year and wrote out a few. I cannot describe the pride and the pain I felt when I myself received a Christmas card from my father. To not see - Love, Mom and Dad inscribed at the bottom of that card actually induced a physical ache. I ached for the loss of my mother and I ached for the sadness my father must have felt writing them. To just see "I love you all - Dad" brought me to tears. When I was card shopping, the reality of never again buying Mom and Dad card was hard enough. This was different. It wasn't just my pain. It was shared pain. The thing about the death of a loved one is that there is nothing you can do about it. You have to somehow, accept the changes and do the best you can. Unless you have experienced it, you have no idea how much it changes your life and all the traditions you have been carrying on so far. Nothing is ever the same. That is all I am going to write today because it is just stirring up too much emotion.
I am expecting my step Daughter from California today, so I will have a new subject to write about in the upcoming days.
I am mildly amused as well as saddened by the things he now has to do for himself and the subtle changes that I have seen in him. His Christmas gifts wrapped in cellophane and then gift wrap because unless he got a box at the time of purchase, he will not buy one. He does not see the point in wrapping the colored shirt boxes leftover from last year because they are already printed. My father loves to shop and he is generous. My mother on the other hand hated it. He shopped, she wrapped.
My parents house never had a coffee maker. It was and still is a household of tea drinkers. I have noticed whenever we have gone out for lunch or breakfast, he is now ordering coffee. I bring it to his attention and he tells me it is because he goes out everyday with his friend Connie (a man) for coffee. They go to different diners everyday. The last one taking an hour and 15 minutes to get to when it should have been maybe a 1/2 hour drive. Did I mention Connie is 85 years old? He has been a good friend to my Dad and I know Artie is grateful for his company.
I think the most painful thing he has felt he had to do for himself is to write out Christmas cards. He found a box of cards left over from last year and wrote out a few. I cannot describe the pride and the pain I felt when I myself received a Christmas card from my father. To not see - Love, Mom and Dad inscribed at the bottom of that card actually induced a physical ache. I ached for the loss of my mother and I ached for the sadness my father must have felt writing them. To just see "I love you all - Dad" brought me to tears. When I was card shopping, the reality of never again buying Mom and Dad card was hard enough. This was different. It wasn't just my pain. It was shared pain. The thing about the death of a loved one is that there is nothing you can do about it. You have to somehow, accept the changes and do the best you can. Unless you have experienced it, you have no idea how much it changes your life and all the traditions you have been carrying on so far. Nothing is ever the same. That is all I am going to write today because it is just stirring up too much emotion.
I am expecting my step Daughter from California today, so I will have a new subject to write about in the upcoming days.
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