Noone is home. I have been alone most of the day except for my cousins stopping by to fix my faucet and then deciding it was too involved and leaving. I like being alone. I enjoy my own company. I accomplish things which I have put off. Piles of paper have been dealt with. Christmas decorations have been put away. I have not taken the tree down. I always leave that up longer. I dusted, something which my friend Kristen would say is about time. I rearranged family photos. I made phone calls for my Dad and found out why he hasn't gotten his pension or social security check yet. I went through bills. I did not pay any, but I sorted them. I made decisions. I decided we will go to The Cheesecake factory for dinner Sunday when my stepdaughter Sandi comes from California for a visit. I decided I am not cooking. I am tired of cooking and hosting. I can cook. I am a good cook. I just wish someone would cook for me sometimes. (like my husband) Iwould like to come home from work and dinner is waiting for me one night. I would like to not spend every holiday in the kitchen, but I do love my family, (and my own cooking) so I do it for them.
My house is clean and ready for company after dinner on Sunday. The tree lights are on and a candle is burning. I will pour a glass of wine and slip into my clawfoot tub and enjoy my me time. I will count my blessings.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
America's sweetheart
Snowing again. Housebound lately. I still have people to see and presents to give out. They will wait. For now they are under the tree. I always leave mine up longer than most people. I hate taking the tree down. I miss it. I love to turn it on late at night when I am all alone in the dark and just look at the lights. It has always been my favorite part of Christmas. Every ornament like an old friend you haven't seen for a while. Each one having their own story to tell.
Some presents will still be here even after the tree is down. Until then, I will continue to watch movies on my new Blu Ray player. Curled up in a ball waiting for the snow to melt and Brothers and Sisters, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Big Bang Theory and Modern Family to return with new episodes.
Last night I rented All About Steve with Sandra Bullock. I always seem to enjoy her movies. I got to thinking why does Julia Roberts have the title of Americas sweetheart? I can't even remember the last time I watched one of her movies. Did she have her day in the sun. absolutely! But it is time for her to hand over her title. All About Steve was funny. Sandra brings something that other actors can't. Hometown quality. The girl next door. Not gorgeous but pretty. Naturally pretty. She illuminates an inner warmth that comes across on the screen. You can identify with her. She is not unapproachable. She has a quirkiness that interests you just enough to not be annoying. I loved this movie. It is a character unlike any other she has played. A catholic Jewish girl named Mary Magdeline Horowitz. A super smart workaholic gullible nerd who talks way too much. She is filled with quirks. She creates crossword puzzles for a newspaper. She plays this character with heart and she will touch yours. Think back to some of her previous movies. Imfamous, Hope Floats, Crash, Miss Congeniality, The Proposal, 2 Week Notice, Yaya Sisterhood and While You Were Sleeping. Has she ever let you down? I say when in doubt as to what to rent, go through Sandra Bullocks catalog or get out of the house and go see Blind Side. I hear it's great. Oscar whispers. Congratulations Sandra. You deserve it. I will be rooting for you from the couch. You are my American Sweetheart.
Some presents will still be here even after the tree is down. Until then, I will continue to watch movies on my new Blu Ray player. Curled up in a ball waiting for the snow to melt and Brothers and Sisters, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Big Bang Theory and Modern Family to return with new episodes.
Last night I rented All About Steve with Sandra Bullock. I always seem to enjoy her movies. I got to thinking why does Julia Roberts have the title of Americas sweetheart? I can't even remember the last time I watched one of her movies. Did she have her day in the sun. absolutely! But it is time for her to hand over her title. All About Steve was funny. Sandra brings something that other actors can't. Hometown quality. The girl next door. Not gorgeous but pretty. Naturally pretty. She illuminates an inner warmth that comes across on the screen. You can identify with her. She is not unapproachable. She has a quirkiness that interests you just enough to not be annoying. I loved this movie. It is a character unlike any other she has played. A catholic Jewish girl named Mary Magdeline Horowitz. A super smart workaholic gullible nerd who talks way too much. She is filled with quirks. She creates crossword puzzles for a newspaper. She plays this character with heart and she will touch yours. Think back to some of her previous movies. Imfamous, Hope Floats, Crash, Miss Congeniality, The Proposal, 2 Week Notice, Yaya Sisterhood and While You Were Sleeping. Has she ever let you down? I say when in doubt as to what to rent, go through Sandra Bullocks catalog or get out of the house and go see Blind Side. I hear it's great. Oscar whispers. Congratulations Sandra. You deserve it. I will be rooting for you from the couch. You are my American Sweetheart.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
After thoughts
Well 2010 is here. Time to reflect about the past year and make resolutions for this year. 2009 was a strange year. An African American president, The death of Michael Jackson, more troops to Afghanistan, Healthcare reform, prop. 8 and same-sex marriage, tea parties, H1N1, balloon boy and Adam Lampert. The newest headliner that even if we tried to forget, the media would not allow us to - the mess Tiger Woods has made of his life. How does one throw away everything he has worked for his whole life for a bunch of broads?
On a more personal note, I lost my Mother as you all know, contacted MRSA from a pedicure, discovered Facebook, figured out my Nook and made peace with a neighbor. I am learning to declutter and trying to learn to let go of the apron strings of my 18 year old.
2009 was the year 3 friends of mine were diagnosed with breast cancer. Two of which have had mastectomys. All 3 women different from one another. Different backgrounds, different body types, different beliefs, different incomes and different lifestyles. These 3 different women having one common denominator. Breast cancer and my friendship. All 3 women having a separate special place in my heart. I wish you all a happy and healthy 2010. Do not give up the fight.
On a more personal note, I lost my Mother as you all know, contacted MRSA from a pedicure, discovered Facebook, figured out my Nook and made peace with a neighbor. I am learning to declutter and trying to learn to let go of the apron strings of my 18 year old.
2009 was the year 3 friends of mine were diagnosed with breast cancer. Two of which have had mastectomys. All 3 women different from one another. Different backgrounds, different body types, different beliefs, different incomes and different lifestyles. These 3 different women having one common denominator. Breast cancer and my friendship. All 3 women having a separate special place in my heart. I wish you all a happy and healthy 2010. Do not give up the fight.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Goodbye 2009
It is snowing and the world looks beautiful from my kitchen out to the dead end where I live. This year is over and I am not sorry to put it behind me.
This has not been my best year. Earlier in the year, we struggled with an 18 year old's growing pains. My step-daughter's husband left her for the 2nd time with 3 young children for another woman he had never met in person. Most importantly, my beautiful mother passed away after a 2 year struggle with breast cancer. I watched her fight to live. After months of chemo and radiation, a mastectomy, MRSA staff infections and partial stomach removal, I watched her slowly die. A little each day. Her passing has been the most pivotal, heart wrenching, life changing event so far. I miss her everyday and will forever hold her deep within my soul. She will always be with me, but oh how I long to converse with her and hear her voice.
On a positive note, there have been some high notes this year. Due to the absence of my Mother, my brother and I have gotten closer. We have always lived very different lives. He is single and has no children. I have been raising a son for almost 19 years and paying a mortgage most of my life. Ken (my brother) and I do not have friends on common nor do we socialize together. What we do have in common, is pain. The pain of losing our mother. The tie that binds. She held us all together as most mother's do. Through that pain, I have reached out to him. I have wanted and needed to talk to him because he is feeling what I am. Unless you have lost a parent, you cannot fathom the flood of emotions you experience. You have always known it would be painful, you just never knew how deeply if infiltrated every corner of your life. Slowly, we are building a relationship that should have been there all along. I have seen him rise to the occasion and take on responsibilities all too new to him. The main one being role reversal. He now has to take care of my father who he lives with. Believe me, that in itself is no easy feat. I am proud of Ken.
Another high note was, for the first time since I have owned a home (27 years) my father stayed overnight on Christmas day. I know he was so out of his comfort zone being the creature of habit that he is who hates change. This was my Dad struggling and really reaching out to be closer. I hope there will be more "sleepovers" This was our 1st Christmas without our Mother and Wife and it was hard. I know it was hard for my Dad. Him and my Mother had just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary in June. She passed away in October. They struggle everyday in that house surounded by her things. An unfinished life. Does anyone actually finish their life? No they do not. Every death is a life interrupted. I often wonder if she were here, what she would have wanted for Christmas. Then I see the irony of that. She needed nothing. She would have wanted more time with her family. She would have wanted to know that my Dad and Ken and I were OK. That we were taking care of one another. She would have wanted to know that her only Grandson Tim was going to finish be the 1st to finish college. Rest peacefully Mom with the Lord. Except for missing you, we are all OK. We are growing together amidst our grief. Learning new things about one another and having a whole new respect for one another. You would be so proud. I wish you could see it. Maybe you can. I hope so.
Goodbye to 2009. Have a happy, blessed and safe New Year.
This has not been my best year. Earlier in the year, we struggled with an 18 year old's growing pains. My step-daughter's husband left her for the 2nd time with 3 young children for another woman he had never met in person. Most importantly, my beautiful mother passed away after a 2 year struggle with breast cancer. I watched her fight to live. After months of chemo and radiation, a mastectomy, MRSA staff infections and partial stomach removal, I watched her slowly die. A little each day. Her passing has been the most pivotal, heart wrenching, life changing event so far. I miss her everyday and will forever hold her deep within my soul. She will always be with me, but oh how I long to converse with her and hear her voice.
On a positive note, there have been some high notes this year. Due to the absence of my Mother, my brother and I have gotten closer. We have always lived very different lives. He is single and has no children. I have been raising a son for almost 19 years and paying a mortgage most of my life. Ken (my brother) and I do not have friends on common nor do we socialize together. What we do have in common, is pain. The pain of losing our mother. The tie that binds. She held us all together as most mother's do. Through that pain, I have reached out to him. I have wanted and needed to talk to him because he is feeling what I am. Unless you have lost a parent, you cannot fathom the flood of emotions you experience. You have always known it would be painful, you just never knew how deeply if infiltrated every corner of your life. Slowly, we are building a relationship that should have been there all along. I have seen him rise to the occasion and take on responsibilities all too new to him. The main one being role reversal. He now has to take care of my father who he lives with. Believe me, that in itself is no easy feat. I am proud of Ken.
Another high note was, for the first time since I have owned a home (27 years) my father stayed overnight on Christmas day. I know he was so out of his comfort zone being the creature of habit that he is who hates change. This was my Dad struggling and really reaching out to be closer. I hope there will be more "sleepovers" This was our 1st Christmas without our Mother and Wife and it was hard. I know it was hard for my Dad. Him and my Mother had just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary in June. She passed away in October. They struggle everyday in that house surounded by her things. An unfinished life. Does anyone actually finish their life? No they do not. Every death is a life interrupted. I often wonder if she were here, what she would have wanted for Christmas. Then I see the irony of that. She needed nothing. She would have wanted more time with her family. She would have wanted to know that my Dad and Ken and I were OK. That we were taking care of one another. She would have wanted to know that her only Grandson Tim was going to finish be the 1st to finish college. Rest peacefully Mom with the Lord. Except for missing you, we are all OK. We are growing together amidst our grief. Learning new things about one another and having a whole new respect for one another. You would be so proud. I wish you could see it. Maybe you can. I hope so.
Goodbye to 2009. Have a happy, blessed and safe New Year.
Monday, December 28, 2009
After watching Juile and Julia, I thought it would be fun to start my own blog. Not having any idea how since I am older (not much) than the computer generation, I had to Google - How to start a blog. It was not as hard as I thought. Thinking of a name was harder. I chose Deb the Web because I have been called that for many years by former coworkers. I am not sure what I am going to write about. I guess it will be about everyday life.
Back to work today after Christmas. I always get a certain sadness after Christmas. The high is over. No more shopping and wrapping, no more secrets and decorations. No more baking. Most of all though, I miss the christmas songs on the radio. The cold turkey is too much. They should wean us through, tapering off a little each day until New Years Day night.
This year I received a Nook put out by Barnes and Noble. It is an electronic handheld devise which you can download books into, very much like the Sony Ereader. I was so excited and had paid upfront to order. I ordered it over a month ago and it was delivered Christmas eve. I was disappointed that I could not connect to the internet to download for 4 days due to the volume of people who received it for Christmas. Not only was I disappointed that I could not use it, but I was aggravated that we had to spend countless hours on hold trying to correct this. Shame on Barnes and Noble. I guess I should be happy I got mine in time for Christmas. Others did not. Well I am off to go try my NOOK. I hope you all got what you wanted for Christmas. I will let you know if it was worth the money and the wait.
Back to work today after Christmas. I always get a certain sadness after Christmas. The high is over. No more shopping and wrapping, no more secrets and decorations. No more baking. Most of all though, I miss the christmas songs on the radio. The cold turkey is too much. They should wean us through, tapering off a little each day until New Years Day night.
This year I received a Nook put out by Barnes and Noble. It is an electronic handheld devise which you can download books into, very much like the Sony Ereader. I was so excited and had paid upfront to order. I ordered it over a month ago and it was delivered Christmas eve. I was disappointed that I could not connect to the internet to download for 4 days due to the volume of people who received it for Christmas. Not only was I disappointed that I could not use it, but I was aggravated that we had to spend countless hours on hold trying to correct this. Shame on Barnes and Noble. I guess I should be happy I got mine in time for Christmas. Others did not. Well I am off to go try my NOOK. I hope you all got what you wanted for Christmas. I will let you know if it was worth the money and the wait.
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